Followers

Monday 3 October 2011

THE NIGHT SHIFT

With university fees spiralling and the economy in recession, it is hardly surprising that many teenagers are opting to join the growing ranks of the undead.  The popularity of films such as '28 Days Later' and 'I am Legend' has shown the zombie lifestyle to be varied and interesting.  Disused warehouses and factories, remnants of Britain's past as an industrial powerhouse, are being snapped up by zombie start-ups eager for new blood willing to work unsociable hours.

When I was a youngster in the Seventies, boys wanted to be astronauts and girls wanted to have a horse. By the Eighties, the Apollo programme had been shelved and the French had eaten all the horses; boys wanted to be footballers and girls wanted to be supermodels (not models). In the Nineties, the Premier League and Sky TV arrived; more than ever, boys wanted to be footballers and girls wanted to marry footballers. The Noughties arrived and boys realised you needed to be a Bosnian on a Bosman to be a footballer; now they wanted to be DJs or MCs and girls wanted to flash their surgically-enhanced chests on reality TV.

With worldwide financial meltdown, and all these traditional career paths seemingly closed off, the teenagers of today are giving a big WTF to the IMF and opting to work nights feasting on human flesh. If you're one of those youngsters who's already largely lost the power of speech, you could be on the fast track to zombie team leadership. To join the undead denizens of the night, log onto www.apprenticeships.gov.uk/zombies.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Will,
It's Kash again. I laughed out loud at this one, mmm.... It reminds me of a couple of boys we both know. Ha! Ha!